It has been there all along...

It has been there all along,
just what took me so long...
to realize that healthy hearty breakfast is so within reach,
even on days when I'm not cash rich...
and I actually paid 2 to 3 bucks last time 
at some oldtown kopitiam I am...

Things needed : 
A stainless steel kole
2 eggs (or more)
hot hot water (free flow from office dispenser)
kicap / pepper / herbs flakes (as substitute as I haven't buy pepper yet)
some soft boil egg making tips from colleague
* also comes with free coffee / milo / tea from office vending machine

the little disadvantage : 
have to wash own utensil after eat
and risking people sitting nearby tempted (if they like), or 'boh song' (if they don't like)
or risking boss thinking ... wah, buka kedai makan ah??

but sometimes I just plain lazy to care so much. 
It's kind of tiring for this old soul.

our work in progress

I love gardening since young, 
but I do not know when I really fell in love with growing plants.
having said that, I however does not really have green fingers, 
but I never give up easily ... I will try and try and try.

I've tried to preserve the small piece of green in front of our home and gradually start growing edible things.
At our backyard, there is a piece of vacant land.
Previously it was managed by my neighbour but seeing my passion for growing things, aunty decided to let me grow plants behind. 
I couldn't thank her enough as it had always been my dream to grow my own edibles fruits and vegetables.
I do have dreams that every taman (housing estates) have their own organic farm.
and every city to have fruit forest / park concept. 
Last year, I went to the extend of putting in a feedback to DBKL for them to ponder over planting fruit trees in place of the normal decorative trees.

Although we may be far far away, at least I can do what I can do.
In fact I think we Malaysians are quite a green lot. 
Try walking around your neighbourhood and you'll realised that about 85% of houses will have at least some kind of plants. 
The heart warming thing is that we despite not with many spaces available, make full use of it. I see people planting sugar canes, papaya trees, banana trees, nangka trees, mango trees, pandan leaves, serai, mulberry trees in that little piece of land outside the gate, in between our house & neighbour house.

Here's my work in progress 
hoping my little farm will grow and flourish.

my collection of pandan, lime, mint leave, serai, ladies finger, aloe vera

Newly planted sweet potatoes leave vegetables, and tiny papaya tree

little banana tree inherited from aunty

 

some sugar cane inherited from aunty

the holes are planted with ladies finger & long bean.
Thank you to the uncle & aunty that helps us with the backyard.

 

From far top : newly planted pineapple, aloe vera, pandan leave, lime tree, serai

inherited this nangka / cempedak tree (I dunno which is which)

 

the tree in the middle is custard apple tree ... again inherited from aunty

these are ladies fingers freshly picked from our front garden

about judging (playful reminder)

Sometimes at office, I try not to join in any 'discussions' about people that are non-work related.
If I was inadvertently included, I prefer to keep quiet even if I'm being labelled as 'no own stand'.
Because I realised when I start chipping in, I start to make judgement about others.

This video sort of convey a very important message :
that all of us, no matter what ways we use, are trying to do our best for our loved ones.
So why judge? 
Like in the end of the video, we are all same ... why make life difficult for others?
and who are we to judge?

幸福不难

志在四方 The Dream Makers 

currently I'm watching this singapore series. 
Our neighbour do produce good quality series with good stories.
And with equally good theme song as well.

Killing 2 birds with 1 'series' 
Learn mandarin & learn about life...

Meanwhile, enjoy the song =)

peer influence

Towards the end of last year, new experiments being tried out.
One of my colleague who had high cholesterol started eating healthily.
And I was unconsciously influenced, I find myself on a few occasion yearned to eat salad for lunch. But mine was with much more 'solid' ingredients to ensure tummy full as need to produce milk.
some of my 'twists'
vinaigrette balsamique bioloqique (reduced to clear from Natural Health Farm Tesco)
buttercup lettuce, coral lettuce (reduced to clear from Tesco)
cherry tomatoes (reduced to clear from Tesco)
2 hardboiled eggs
2 slice of cheese
sunflower seed 
mixed herb (Tesco)
as I ran out of above ingredients, I started adding carrot, steamed shitake mushroom, goji berries and whatever I can find in my fridge or the reduced to clear section...LOL

* Hoping Tesco got more reduced to clear lettuce soon. As I find the normal prices a little pricey.

new year new responsibilities

New year, everyone at home got new responsibilities.

Besides the 2 elder ones going to school to learn, 

they've got new responsibilities.

Vacuum, vacuum 

and more vacuum

Then they gang up and say their 'lau ye che' need vacuuming too

helping sister with bicycle 

2014 2015

The transition from 2014 to 2015 this time was just like any other day.
Doing things that I would have done on any other rest day.
And as previous years, I think I'm still lagging behind, stranded at 2014.

2014 was a mixed year for me 
a bag filled with 'goodies' and still ok 'goodies'

Among the things worth memories in 2014 (in no particular order though) :

• the blow of no increment & no bonus 
• the transfer that almost didn't happen
• continue breastfeeding
• newphew : new addition to our family
• Sister in law got married
• Passing of ku yeh
• depleted a big portion of my savings
• watching my children grow
• free / almost free vacations
• diversification 
• gone a little more green & eco-friendly 
• more spiritual learning
• learning to let go
• cleared quite some clutters at home

For 2015, I 

• to continue breastfeeding
• To practice 三好 : 存好心, 做好事, 说好话
• catch up pay wise and bonus (although not possible to compensate back loss of a year)
• time to rebuild my savings / emergency funds
• Intensive learning Chinese
• Exercise
• To love myself 1st & take care of myself 1st 
• Learn to drive around independently
• Live in the present & be present
• Be a better 'me' - as mother, as daughter(in law), as wife, as friend, as colleague, as a member of society.

Wishing everyone a wonderful 2015 ahead. 

Go ahead! 

Smell the roses and make your lemonade! 

All i want for christmas is YOU .....

All i want for christmas is YOU ..... being happy

This year, our relatives had a pre-christmas reunion.

Got some gifts for the kids.

Hopefully the children are happy, cause I got a question from a little girl 

"Aunty why you give that present to that jie jie but not me?" 

For colleagues, we didn't have any christmas party but I was thinking of giving them something as gratitude for them helping me throughout the year.

For children

For adults 

cheapskate vacation

When it comes to free things, i can be very thick skinned.

So when I receive a invitation from Palace of Golden Horses for credit card members of certain bank, my 1st reaction was : 

1. Is this for real?

2. Got any hidden catch or charges or not?

3. Grab ah dear and tell him as spouse is required for the hotel stay

ok...this is what the invitation says :

just attend a 1-hour talk session with their health sanctuary service consultant and under no obligation, will receive

(a) free health screen

(b) free buffet dinner for 2

(c) free 1 night stay @ Palace of Golden Horses

So I shifted into kiasu mode.

1. checked with dear on his available after work time

2. checked & arrange my own schedule 

3. arrange for children caretaker after work

4. checked the horse racing day, as to avoid traffic jam

5. call up to find out if any hidden catch

6. book the 1-hour session appointment

So as planned, we went & listen, 

and as we don't look like 'people who can afford their packages'

we finally got the buffet dinner & free 1 night stay voucher.

(all the while thinking what if I'm the person at the other end of the deal)

Thereafter, we plan & plan for the trip even it's just nearby, 

intended to bring all 3 kiddos but couldn't find a day whereby don't have to skip classes.

(the voucher is valid for 60 days & cannot be used during peak season ie. school / public holiday).

Ended we had a honeymoon trip with baby.

We left house only about 5.30pm on Sunday, it was raining that day so no swimming.

We reached, checked in, walked around before heading for buffet dinner.

We were suprised to find the room quite big for a free night stay. 

In fact, can fit all 3 kiddos and they will have plenty of running space.

Even the toilet is big.

The weather was rainy & windy, 

I had a good relaxing rest, despite still need to wake up for feeding.

Thanks to the thick curtain, I had a sleep-in, again missing my pool time.

brought little one to the green green field downstair, wanted to let her move around on the grass (until I see a guy spraying some stuff (which I don't think is water since they already have sprinkler on the field).

Haih... I decided not to have those kind of chemical exposure ... why can't they just leave the green grass field alone?

Nevertheless, thank you very much to Palace of Golden Horses for the buffet dinner & night stay even though we didn't sign up for any package. 

 

vadai

how I know the existence of such nice food is through ERT (Ekonomi Rumah Tangga).
Remember in one of the major assessment, Soon Yeng and me was in the same team and we ended up with making vadai as part of the dishes. 
It was then I learnt to appreciate vadai ...
here after 15 years ... I tried making them again, this time with more daring & healthy combination and fried with less oil. 
My kids love them .... as much as their mama =D

heals without heels

It has been a few years since I last attend company annual dinner,
somehow it always coincides with my maternity leaves or I was too 'occupied' to attend.
This year, just when I decided to attend and looked forward to the good food and glimpse of lucky draw, 
the dinner taught me a lesson.
A lesson that heals a tired heart.

The lesson : 
No matter how well you prepare yourself, 
how good you take care of yourself and your stuff,
some things if meant to happen, 
will happen,
So take it, learn to see 'light' in it
and don't let it stop you from being you.

Here on, will let the picture do the talking.

Theme of the night : Dazzling.
All the colourful dazzling stuffs provided by organising committee.

Tempted : to steal the whole kit home for children to go wild.

left heel came off as soon as I reached.
Never mind the awkwardness of walking with uneven heels,
 contrast a right hand holding a heel with a left hand that hold elegant dinner bag.
I didn't knew what should I do with the heel,
keep it for repair (I've got no plastic bag)
throw it ( I can't find a single dustbin)
hide it under table (dinner hall not open yet)  

I think The One up there got other plan for me.
As I was walking to the ladies, the other heel decided to come off too.
So there I am, a carefree aunty with no worry of tripping over high heels.

Despite of this incident, I was rather suprised to find myself rather unperturbed by the situation. 
I was actually OK, relaxed and found myself laughing at me. 
My team mates were amused, I still enjoyed the good food.
I guess this tired heart is too tired to think too much.

While leaving, one of colleague even commented "wah, you so smart geh, got bring flats some more"
I just smiled and winked. 
I guess 'Ching'derella heels just got turned into flats at the stroke of 10.

the pool is growing

as our family grows, the pools at our home also grow...

Our 1st family pool (just enough to sit 2 kiddos and some toys) Cost : 9.90

Our 2nd family pool (enough to sit 3 kiddos + toys) Cost : 12.90

Then, I got greedy.
I wanted to join them in the pool as well.
So when I saw this, I went berserk.
But this is nowhere to be found at Tesco near my place.
I did what a desperado will do, ask for help.

at last, a family pool that's really a family pool.
and I treat it like treasure.
(Because I know if damaged, I'll not be able to get it at this price again.)
(Dear saw it at Tesco near my place last weekend and it's back to RM99.90)
The kiddos love it.
This part is priceless.
Thank you very much to a colleague who helped me to buy this when she went to Tesco.

last week

Last week...
Do you remember what had you done last week? 
Anything you feel good about or anything you regretted doing?

The last week 
with the deepavali holiday in the middle of the week,
I feel I had finally done 'something'

Cut the grass & re-organise plants (procrastinate for 3 months because I didn't get a garden scissors). 
Planted some new plants : papaya & custard apple trees, sweet potato vege, spring onions
Brought small one for neighbourhood walk, got many ideas on what to plant, got to know aunty who planted vegetable on the empty land.
Had deepavali celebration
wrapped and started reading a few very precious books (finally!)
Gone for that long overdue medical checkup
Brought children for family fun day philharmonik performance (my 1st time too!) and dancing fountain @ KLCC park.
Work appraisal done, disaster recovery at work done.

I know I know,
those things sound petty right?
No big deal ... everyone is doing something every single day.
But these 'somethings', they do mean alot to me 

Wishing everyone of us having a good last week, this week and next week!

stop worrying, start living

I have been a worry wart and am still a worry wart.

and I worry myself sick.
worry is like invisible stress that slowly kills
and I think I'm caught in that big black hole of endless worrying.
There's always something which I worry about ... my children, my family...
It's tiring. 
I'm exhausted 
but I couldn't stop myself from worrying.
When people tell me not to worry too much, 
I used to say 'I also hope I can' 
but sometimes in my heart, I will think it's easier to say than to do.
Now, when I think back, these people actually meant good.
They didn't want me to worry too much because worry can actually kill.
What more is when you worry all by yourself, dare not share burden with others.

So today, after being 'reminded' by a friend past few days,
I decided I STOP worrying and START LIVING.
For each time my worry come into my mind, I will do a blessing instead ... action & thought.
Somethings if meant to happen will happen.
Somethings happened for some reasons.
So living in the PRESENT, doing whatever I can NOW is all that matter.
I'm only HUMAN. 

1st time listen, already like

謝安琪 '鍾無艷'

From the very 1st time I heard this song on radio, I fell in love.

toy from nature

thanks to grandma, my children get to enjoy this toy from nature =)

paid 500% less

http://www.forbes.com/sites/cameronkeng/2014/06/22/employees-that-stay-in-companies-longer-than-2-years-get-paid-50-less/

this article really stab me right here...
and I'm still bleeding profusely.
imagine for every year I'm paid 50% less, make that a 10 year multiply.

No one to blame except for myself.
add that with a 'no pay-raise no bonus' year ... I'm depressed. fullstop.

'calm in chaos' patch

The unhealthy me have always wanted to have a patch of nature in which I can bask in the sun and do some 'grounding'. 
Basking in the sun is good for Vitamin D (since I stay indoor most of the time)
Grounding @ earthing is for bringing our body back to a balanced state with negative ion from earth when we make direct contact with earth / soil / grass or even concrete. This is especially beneficial when we are 'connected' with modern technology most of the time. (try googling if you would like to know more)

So, the other day, the 'kepochi' part of me prompted me to go 'walk & walk' during lunch to discover something new.
And I was ecstatic when I stumbled upon a 'patch' ... sort of like a little hanging garden.
I sneaked in, look for a spot which I think least probability of being found,
took of my shoes, sat down, breath and relaxed. (though I couldn't get my mind off what excuse to give if I'm being caught)
I'm ready to even beg to be allowed to enjoy this little 'heaven'.

So there I was for about 20 minutes, enjoying just being me ... relaxing ... breathing ... and writing my bucket list, feeling blessed.

enjoying my grounding therapy

the little bit of greenery for eyes to savour

my trusty recycle bag & shoes sitting next to me enjoying the light breeze and sun

the little morning glories that perk up the patch

the 'hanging' garden feel

ALS @ Lou Gehrig's disease

Recently, there's this ice bucket challenge going viral ... where people take up the ice bucket challenge, donate and nominate other persons to take up the challenge.
I've seen other people watching the videos without realising what is it all about until I took the time to watch one http://youtu.be/h07OT8p8Oik

Update : another video to raise awareness of ALS by Malaysian Dick Chua whose grandpa also has ALS. In the video, he tells about his grandpa journey. 
http://youtu.be/hKwA2XYOPng

and just that one reminds me that I have 'something' that need to be done
1st hand encounter : 

I've seen it ... month by month, year by year, stages by stages, every deteoriation and the struggles of the patient and family members, every single attempt & effort we made to make it better but to no avail ... 

and it scare the hell out of me now that knowing I'm at higher risk and that I'm approaching that age. 

Honestly, I really didn't want to worry pointlessly and rob myself of living the moment, but not acknowledging it and not giving it a thought is not going to solve the problem if it comes ...  

Which make me want to live my life to the fullest every single day, love my dearest ones unconditionally every single moment, 

2nd hand encounter : Tuesday with Morrie
I've always regretted I read this book too late ... way too late. I could have done many many things for my mother ... I could have. I would have understand her more and ease her journey ... I would have
but being the stupid me at those period of time, I did NOTHING...absolutely NOTHING.

Enough said, to know more about ALS a.k.a Lou Gehrig's disease, can go to 

http://www.alsa.org

http://www.als.net

last time, diagnosis given was not conclusive and we were told there's nothing can be done, we can only prolong/wait

how i wished I knew what I can do. nobody knows what is happening, no doctors can diagnose as the symptoms are similar to various other conditions and ALS is not common / known in this part of the world and at that point of time.

like a ticking time bomb, those years of my life, we slowly loss my mother to this disease. we saw her every struggle, we saw her every determination and very sorry, mi
we didn't do anything ...nothing to make you better.

Symptoms of ALS : 
source : http://www.alsa.org/about-als/symptoms.html

• muscle weakness in one or more of the following: hands, arms, legs or the muscles of speech, 
  swallowing or breathing
• twitching (fasciculation) and cramping of muscles, especially those in the hands and feet
• impairment of the use of the arms and legs
• "thick speech" and difficulty in projecting the voice
• in more advanced stages, shortness of breath, difficulty in breathing and swallowing

my mother's gradual case was just as the symptoms say and I feel her frustrations when she's not able to convey what she wanted us to know (not able via speech, not able via write and not able via gesture)

When she started to have difficulties eating, how did we not know what may come and her struggles.

During then, I use to feel very tired physically and emotionally as our lives revolve around my mother. But how did I not know how she would have felt 100x more tired physically and emotionally. How can I not know?????

Even until the very end, when my mother had difficulty breathing and rushed to emergency, 
for that few days, my mother didn't got better.
@ hospital, doctors come to agreement that if my mother leaves, there will not be any attempt to revive her. 
No matter how much begging we do, it will not bring her back. 

It took me alot of courage to write this but I guess if something really happen to me, I would have appreciate that I did this. And I definately want people to know

because my mother didn't had a chance to let us know alot alot of things she wanted to let her family knows. 

I want to say

if this really happen to me, do not worry about me ... 

read my letter to you 

and if anything really happen and I do not have a chance to say it, do let me go, do not let me be a burden. 

Update : I'm very grateful to all the people who has helped us and prayed with us throughout our journey with my mother ALS. A million thanks and may you all be blessed always.

1 year dy lo

my little one has just celebrated her 1st birthday.
In this 1 year, I'm very grateful for every moment that I spent with my children.
I learnt and grew together with them ...
Every moment is very precious 
and I'm thankful for every moment I get to be their mother ... 
I know I am greedy but I do want to continue growing with them year by year 
because I could never love them enough ...

Sharing the below video ... 
click on lower right corner for english subtitles

expose n explore

It has always been a want for me to expose my children to experiences, those simple, affordable yet enjoyable ones.

and we did humbly for the past 2 months did quite a bit =)

including :

• humble 'tumpang' trip to Morib + water fun
• visit to stadium merdeka after praying at temple on Guan Yin Dan day
• to the zoo 
• trampoline jumping @ garden + farm pretend play
• trips to nearby playground + running up and down slope + curi curry leaves plant

secretly looking forward to have more 'suprises' for them

@ the zoo 

 

 youngest ah bi playing water @ morib sink while gor gor jie jie having fun @ pool 

had the whole stadium to ourselves ... glad that their NBTD mama pestered the guard to allow us in...LOL

(memorable since it was during the world cup season but the kiddies didn't know a thing) 

taking turn having fun on trampoline. poor papa!:p

exploring the playground and nature, 
running up and down slope shoeless..
I want them to know that life can be simple yet fruitful.