last week

Last week...
Do you remember what had you done last week? 
Anything you feel good about or anything you regretted doing?

The last week 
with the deepavali holiday in the middle of the week,
I feel I had finally done 'something'

Cut the grass & re-organise plants (procrastinate for 3 months because I didn't get a garden scissors). 
Planted some new plants : papaya & custard apple trees, sweet potato vege, spring onions
Brought small one for neighbourhood walk, got many ideas on what to plant, got to know aunty who planted vegetable on the empty land.
Had deepavali celebration
wrapped and started reading a few very precious books (finally!)
Gone for that long overdue medical checkup
Brought children for family fun day philharmonik performance (my 1st time too!) and dancing fountain @ KLCC park.
Work appraisal done, disaster recovery at work done.

I know I know,
those things sound petty right?
No big deal ... everyone is doing something every single day.
But these 'somethings', they do mean alot to me 

Wishing everyone of us having a good last week, this week and next week!

stop worrying, start living

I have been a worry wart and am still a worry wart.

and I worry myself sick.
worry is like invisible stress that slowly kills
and I think I'm caught in that big black hole of endless worrying.
There's always something which I worry about ... my children, my family...
It's tiring. 
I'm exhausted 
but I couldn't stop myself from worrying.
When people tell me not to worry too much, 
I used to say 'I also hope I can' 
but sometimes in my heart, I will think it's easier to say than to do.
Now, when I think back, these people actually meant good.
They didn't want me to worry too much because worry can actually kill.
What more is when you worry all by yourself, dare not share burden with others.

So today, after being 'reminded' by a friend past few days,
I decided I STOP worrying and START LIVING.
For each time my worry come into my mind, I will do a blessing instead ... action & thought.
Somethings if meant to happen will happen.
Somethings happened for some reasons.
So living in the PRESENT, doing whatever I can NOW is all that matter.
I'm only HUMAN. 

1st time listen, already like

謝安琪 '鍾無艷'

From the very 1st time I heard this song on radio, I fell in love.

toy from nature

thanks to grandma, my children get to enjoy this toy from nature =)

paid 500% less

http://www.forbes.com/sites/cameronkeng/2014/06/22/employees-that-stay-in-companies-longer-than-2-years-get-paid-50-less/

this article really stab me right here...
and I'm still bleeding profusely.
imagine for every year I'm paid 50% less, make that a 10 year multiply.

No one to blame except for myself.
add that with a 'no pay-raise no bonus' year ... I'm depressed. fullstop.

'calm in chaos' patch

The unhealthy me have always wanted to have a patch of nature in which I can bask in the sun and do some 'grounding'. 
Basking in the sun is good for Vitamin D (since I stay indoor most of the time)
Grounding @ earthing is for bringing our body back to a balanced state with negative ion from earth when we make direct contact with earth / soil / grass or even concrete. This is especially beneficial when we are 'connected' with modern technology most of the time. (try googling if you would like to know more)

So, the other day, the 'kepochi' part of me prompted me to go 'walk & walk' during lunch to discover something new.
And I was ecstatic when I stumbled upon a 'patch' ... sort of like a little hanging garden.
I sneaked in, look for a spot which I think least probability of being found,
took of my shoes, sat down, breath and relaxed. (though I couldn't get my mind off what excuse to give if I'm being caught)
I'm ready to even beg to be allowed to enjoy this little 'heaven'.

So there I was for about 20 minutes, enjoying just being me ... relaxing ... breathing ... and writing my bucket list, feeling blessed.

enjoying my grounding therapy

the little bit of greenery for eyes to savour

my trusty recycle bag & shoes sitting next to me enjoying the light breeze and sun

the little morning glories that perk up the patch

the 'hanging' garden feel

ALS @ Lou Gehrig's disease

Recently, there's this ice bucket challenge going viral ... where people take up the ice bucket challenge, donate and nominate other persons to take up the challenge.
I've seen other people watching the videos without realising what is it all about until I took the time to watch one http://youtu.be/h07OT8p8Oik

Update : another video to raise awareness of ALS by Malaysian Dick Chua whose grandpa also has ALS. In the video, he tells about his grandpa journey. 
http://youtu.be/hKwA2XYOPng

and just that one reminds me that I have 'something' that need to be done
1st hand encounter : 

I've seen it ... month by month, year by year, stages by stages, every deteoriation and the struggles of the patient and family members, every single attempt & effort we made to make it better but to no avail ... 

and it scare the hell out of me now that knowing I'm at higher risk and that I'm approaching that age. 

Honestly, I really didn't want to worry pointlessly and rob myself of living the moment, but not acknowledging it and not giving it a thought is not going to solve the problem if it comes ...  

Which make me want to live my life to the fullest every single day, love my dearest ones unconditionally every single moment, 

2nd hand encounter : Tuesday with Morrie
I've always regretted I read this book too late ... way too late. I could have done many many things for my mother ... I could have. I would have understand her more and ease her journey ... I would have
but being the stupid me at those period of time, I did NOTHING...absolutely NOTHING.

Enough said, to know more about ALS a.k.a Lou Gehrig's disease, can go to 

http://www.alsa.org

http://www.als.net

last time, diagnosis given was not conclusive and we were told there's nothing can be done, we can only prolong/wait

how i wished I knew what I can do. nobody knows what is happening, no doctors can diagnose as the symptoms are similar to various other conditions and ALS is not common / known in this part of the world and at that point of time.

like a ticking time bomb, those years of my life, we slowly loss my mother to this disease. we saw her every struggle, we saw her every determination and very sorry, mi
we didn't do anything ...nothing to make you better.

Symptoms of ALS : 
source : http://www.alsa.org/about-als/symptoms.html

• muscle weakness in one or more of the following: hands, arms, legs or the muscles of speech, 
  swallowing or breathing
• twitching (fasciculation) and cramping of muscles, especially those in the hands and feet
• impairment of the use of the arms and legs
• "thick speech" and difficulty in projecting the voice
• in more advanced stages, shortness of breath, difficulty in breathing and swallowing

my mother's gradual case was just as the symptoms say and I feel her frustrations when she's not able to convey what she wanted us to know (not able via speech, not able via write and not able via gesture)

When she started to have difficulties eating, how did we not know what may come and her struggles.

During then, I use to feel very tired physically and emotionally as our lives revolve around my mother. But how did I not know how she would have felt 100x more tired physically and emotionally. How can I not know?????

Even until the very end, when my mother had difficulty breathing and rushed to emergency, 
for that few days, my mother didn't got better.
@ hospital, doctors come to agreement that if my mother leaves, there will not be any attempt to revive her. 
No matter how much begging we do, it will not bring her back. 

It took me alot of courage to write this but I guess if something really happen to me, I would have appreciate that I did this. And I definately want people to know

because my mother didn't had a chance to let us know alot alot of things she wanted to let her family knows. 

I want to say

if this really happen to me, do not worry about me ... 

read my letter to you 

and if anything really happen and I do not have a chance to say it, do let me go, do not let me be a burden. 

Update : I'm very grateful to all the people who has helped us and prayed with us throughout our journey with my mother ALS. A million thanks and may you all be blessed always.

1 year dy lo

my little one has just celebrated her 1st birthday.
In this 1 year, I'm very grateful for every moment that I spent with my children.
I learnt and grew together with them ...
Every moment is very precious 
and I'm thankful for every moment I get to be their mother ... 
I know I am greedy but I do want to continue growing with them year by year 
because I could never love them enough ...

Sharing the below video ... 
click on lower right corner for english subtitles

expose n explore

It has always been a want for me to expose my children to experiences, those simple, affordable yet enjoyable ones.

and we did humbly for the past 2 months did quite a bit =)

including :

• humble 'tumpang' trip to Morib + water fun
• visit to stadium merdeka after praying at temple on Guan Yin Dan day
• to the zoo 
• trampoline jumping @ garden + farm pretend play
• trips to nearby playground + running up and down slope + curi curry leaves plant

secretly looking forward to have more 'suprises' for them

@ the zoo 

 

 youngest ah bi playing water @ morib sink while gor gor jie jie having fun @ pool 

had the whole stadium to ourselves ... glad that their NBTD mama pestered the guard to allow us in...LOL

(memorable since it was during the world cup season but the kiddies didn't know a thing) 

taking turn having fun on trampoline. poor papa!:p

exploring the playground and nature, 
running up and down slope shoeless..
I want them to know that life can be simple yet fruitful. 

Selamat Hari Raya Eidul Fitri, maaf zahir dan batin

Kenangan Syawal terindah



Source : 
Sempena Syawal 2014 - Keluarga eWana.fm menerbitkan sebuah drama muzikal yang mengandungi 5 buah lagu raya ciptaan terbaru Komposer Wanano dan Rosli Ahmad.

Pelakon drama ini terdiri daripada Dj-dj eWana.fm dan juga beberapa artis jemputan seperti Aisyah Onney (Mama) Zuan Ishmael, Jackie Tan (Pelakon Baru) serta Putera Qamarul.

Semoga hari raya anda lebih bermakna dengan mesej-mesej yang ingin kami sampaikan melalui drama muzikal raya ini.

Selamat Hari Raya Eidul Fitri, maaf zahir dan batin dari kami seluruh keluarga eWana.fm

project 33

I turn 33 a few days ago and started on project 33.

This project basically involve 33 action items which I set to accomplish by my 34th year.
Among them : 

• learn chinese (seriously)
• be more open & direct : email to SIL, write officially to OSHA on renovation & paint work during office hour and pesticide spray. 
• practising sustainable gardening : own plant, natural compost, natural sustaining.
• 'giving back' and 'pay it forward' as part of life
• continuously create multiple streams of income
• getting my priorities right

Till then, for each and everyone of us working towards 'something' ... 'Add oil'  

for my children ... (and myself too!)

Just now, I came across this 8 lessons I want to teach my daughter

Well, yes these are also some things I would like my children (and myself) to learn too!

1. If someone hurts you, don't take it personally

2. Keep a portion of what you earn for saving and another for giving back

3. Live every day as if it was a Friday

4. You do not need anyone's approval

5. In every tough situation, try kindness first

6. Do not complain unless you can suggest a solution

7. Learn to be present

8. Don't let the world make you bitter

Source : www.hiffingtonpost.com

keeping me alive

sources : facebook share

3 minutes

At just 3 minutes before dozing off ... 
this is what happen in my brain

Is ah bi cold? Have I wear her socks for her? Did she pulled them off? Do we have enough socks for the week? Do I want to wear socks myself too to prevent masuk angin? Why am I so windy these days? What food did I take that causes the wind? Or was it due to the late night bath I had? I better bath earlier or bath the next morning. The bath soap is finishing, need to check if still got another bottle at home, if not need to go Tesco buy? Why are personal care product loaded with chemicals? Should I make my own natural soap? I should remember to google recipe to make own soap. Recipe..I feel like eating salad prawn now. Now, when is the next wedding dinner or good food I'm having? So and so wedding dinner is on the coming month, have to allocate for angpow money? Pay day is coming, I need to allocate for father, bills, credit card...i forgot to call father, it's too late to call him now, must remember to call tomorrow, mother death anniversary is coming, arrange to go visit.
Oh no, i've not say my prayer..(wake up to pray)..I need to visit the temple during lunch one of these day when boss on leave..let's decide maybe this Friday. Going to have vegetarian lunch there thus no need to bring lunch from home. Remember to ask about how to donate for printing of religious book for free distribution. I've not updated the books I brought from popular warehouse clearance to my library list... I must take out the chinese book I bought and start learning chinese. Where is my chinese learning clear pocket? Is it still at the store room? I think I forgot about it because it was covered by the cloth hanger? Tomorrow still got office clothes to wear or not? Aiya, forgot to buy the button for 2 blouse which button come off. And need to sew the waist portion of my 2 skirts and pants as getting very loose. Why I lose so much weight? Is something wrong with me? Do I need to go for check up? this year, I'm entitle for full medical check up by employer, better make use of it. Also the other benefits. Aiya, not yet apply leave for July la..need to bring ah bi go check up.. where's my list of things to ask doctor? better start doing one tomorrow. Read about egg is good for baby, remember to ask nanny to include egg to ah bi meal. what time she drink milk just now? is it time for milk already? ........ZZZZzzzzzzz

haiyo...why so fast she want milk again? I haven't even fall asleep

and happily I wake up the next morning, not remembering a single thing I told myself to remember in that 3 minutes... LOL

and the cycle continue for the following night and morning...and night and morning...and night and morning...

powerful ads

Something too good not to be shared!
Some very powerful ads 
http://sfglobe.com/?id=898

and no.6 really made me stop and think (and want to do something).

for teachers and mothers

over the past few weeks, I've got NBTD 
so I give thanks (with the selfish motive of making myself happy I admit).
Office colleagues are mostly mothers so I thought, since my mother couldn't receive my gift of love, why not I spread the love for her around? 
It was a last minute thing and there's nothing I have at home except some chicken essence, and I think mothers need them, so I just tied some colourful ribbons and wrote some message.

Next come teacher's day, I was one of those parents who 'DIDN'T give GOODIES BAG at school before. It seem to be the trend now for parents and children giving goodies bag. I think it is meant to teach children about GIVING.
This year, suddenly I thought that teachers have done alot in educating and leading our children, so I am thankful to them.
I'm not a person good at buying gift (which explain why I prefer to give angpow / cash for occasions) 
so I walked for about 1 hour before deciding on soft cotton face towel (again tied with colourful ribbons). I want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all teachers out there. 
The SWEAT you shed meant alot! 

nutritious at lower cost

Nowadays I've become a permanent member of 'reduced to clear' club.
If lucky, can get great deals
like black gold mango - 3 biji for RM0.71 
fresh coconut for Rm0.99
2 bunch of small banana for RM1.99

The verdict : 
black gold mango : 2 is nice and 1 too ripe at one portion (to my standard)
coconut : old coconut with thick juicy flesh (to my liking)
banana : some taste not ripe at middle portion, suspected is made ripe with chemical instead of natural ripe

1st attempt : no bake coco choco mudball

Stumble upon a recipe which I have all the ingredient @ home, so no harm trying since I like choco (cocoa) & coco (coconut).

here's the recipe I copied from the website

the cocoa powder 

the raw honey 














The mixture of shredded coconut, cocoa powder and honey.
Shredded coconut is the type we use to make santan.

The end product, for better taste, cover and chill in the fridge.
I give myself a pass ... taste a little too 'coconuty' due to overpour coconut oil.








Dare not offer anyone except dear ... due to 'you know la' how bad can the food I prepare be .... LOL
Anyone want to be guinea pig next round? ....LOL

colourful things that can go into the mouth

Ever since what happened to us (my family) last year, 

I've learnt the importance of health 

and is more careful with what we put into our mouth.

I like colourful things so I assume my kiddies like them too ...

so I learn to make our own snacks.

I love making these for them.

They love these their mother make for them.

I couldn't have ask for more =)

the 4 jars of dried fruits were gone in less than an hour =D

The process :

1. Cutting and slicing the fruits. Treating some with lemon juice if required (to reduce oxidation)

2. Arrange slices of fruits according to similarity of texture (ie. time needed to dry). Mine is more of trial and error basis.

So we have

• kiwi
• mango
• dragon fruit
• pineapple 
• nangka / cempedak
• green & red apple
• guava

 3. stack up the tray and on power ... then we just wait. I prefer to do it at night after they sleep.

4. When they reach desired dryness, we off the power and let the fruit cool down before canning them in clean airtight container (preferably glass).

5. Give the kiddies some suprises. Enjoy!

the space I miss most

I recently transferred to another department,

I was surprised that the space I miss most was NOT my workstation

instead I miss this space the most.

This is the ONE and ONLY so call 'lactation room' we have in the building.

It is slightly bigger than the size of a regular bathroom.

It can fit up to 4 person (tried & tested)

This was where at one point of time, during my second child time, 

4 mothers cramped inside together to do their motherly duties.

and the best part was this space does not have any power socket (since it is a small partitioned space between the pantry and office room).

and we have to use extension wire (the turn to roll type) to connect power point to this space and extension plug to accommodate 4 electric breast pump.

It was not on purpose that all 4 of us from the same department pump together, our boss didn't like it anyway.

It was all because this is the ONLY lactation room we have in the building and everyone is waiting for their turn to use. So we figured it is better for all 4 of us to occupy the room at one go rather than wait for one another.

Our number twiddle from 4 to 3 to 2 to 1.

And then back to 2 when I had to slot in to other people time (I was on different floor) which make it hard for me to 'book' the room.

And then I had the room all to myself thereafter. 

I remember making myself comfortable in there, momentarily throwing away all my work stress and concentrated on my motherly duties while listening to Ai FM.

The people on that floor has been so used to seeing me around that they notice that I'm missing when I'm on leave. 

They too have been very kind to reserve a electrical point for me to connect from pantry to the room. The other are used for microwave oven and some other electrical appliances.

I miss the birds who likes to walk and chip near the window.

I miss the eavesdropping of people talking in the pantry (either phone call or chit chat)..I know this is not good.

I miss the privacy at least this room provide

Cause at the new place (the building) ...

they have an even SMALLER and ONLY lactation room (half the size).

Even equipped with 1 small table, 2 chairs, 1 power point, and some magazines, 

it feels devoid as it is fully booked throughout the day (a few slots by the same person - kiasu), and no one is willing to share pumping session,

so much so that I've upgraded myself to 'workstation pumper' with 'very the thick skin'.

(a sure very notorious way to gain popularity)

if you are thinking what about vacant meeting room / store room?

meeting room - fully booked most of the time and is all glass from ceiling to floor.

store / document room - too small, too packed and too risky if anything goes missing from inside.

surau - not a suitable place and ONLY 1 small partitioned surau for the whole building also.

So,

This is my OPEN PLEA to organisation especially BIG ones 

At least have the courtesy to RESPECT the RIGHTS of mothers to breastfeed their children. 

We don't do it on purpose to escape from work (we have better ways and excuses than breast pumping).

For all you know, we all have mother / wife / daughters ... someone will surely benefit enormously from this 'room' 

Well, again as always, I'm still very grateful for being able to at least benefited from the 'room'. 

And again as usual, I'll continue voicing this need at every opportunity until someone HEAR us. 

I'm not sure if something will happen if someone stumble upon this post, but 

LET IT GO, LET IT GO!

Can't hold it back any more

View from outside (left side is the pantry)

View of inside 

View from inside