a scare in the morning

yesterday morning I had a big scare.
Over the past few years, I did have fainting spells but
I would rate this morning black out as 2nd (if not 3rd scariest)

The scariest was the morning after my second ah bi delivery @ the hospital delivery ward toilet (the lucky thing I'm in a hospital and other mothers at the toilet called help for me). the next thing I know after the black out was I was being wheeled by 3 nurses back to my bed and had doctors checking on me and nurses busy taking my blood pressure every 5 to 10 minutes. 

The other scary incident was fainting in LRT. Lucky thing during then was it was during morning peak hours and have someone who knows me in the LRT and we were near the station our station. A good samaritan even took trouble to buy me roti krim and mineral water.

Yesterday morning, it was scary because I was alone with 2 little ones. 
1 still sleeping inside the room and another inside me. Dear was outstation.
I felt dizzy when I woke up but instead of sitting at the bed to rest, I stubbornly stood and walk to the door (in my effort not to wake little one sleeping on the bed so that I can wash and prepare myself in peace).
Things happened so fast after that.
I closed the room door and blacked out. I can feel myself falling like blocks of wood on the floor with a 'thump'. Everything went black for a few seconds I think. 
The next thing I knew was I was lying on the floor and force myself to breathe to get in more oxgygen for my brain and especially little one inside.
Lucky I'm still at the door (which is just a few steps away from the stairs) and not at the stairway. 
I sat there stunted not knowing what has happened and dare not know what will happen if I don't wake up from then. I'm thankful I'm still here.

This morning I woke up feeling aches on my left upper arm and body, most probably impact from the black out fall yesterday. 

Lessons learnt : If feeling faint / not well, it's better to stay put and rest / recover 1st, instead of acting like a hero.  

they reminded me that ...

@ work, fingers have been pointing, accusations have been hurling around when system errors occur after the major project cutover.

Being a tester, we are most of the time the most vulnerable group irregardless of whether you have done your due diligence.

To avoid further unnecessary stress, I decided to just let those pointed and hurled at me to take place without struggling to put up any defense. 

It was after all very meaningless to me. 

However, to say that I'm not affected at all is telling a big fat lie through my teeth.

Somehow God decided to remind me that admidst all the 'you have not done .... / you have done it wrong' that have been hurled towards me, that Saturday, through my ah bi(s) I was reminded that ....

perhaps I've done something really important ... something that matter more ...

that day the elder one told me he love me and offered to help me wash the dishes (all of sudden) and later that afternoon he helped me fold most of his own and sister clothes. 

In case you're wondering how they reach the sink, look at the 2 fella tip toeing. 

I was happy when he told me he love me, happier when he offered to help me wash the dishes, happiest when he solved his own problem (taking the stool when he can't reach the running water) and the little one followed his example. 

(and to satisfy your curiousity, no, they didn't thoroughly rinse all the soap from the kitchen utensils ...haha, but to me they are already doing a great job =) 

* ps. sorry for the exposed skins, she was getting ready to take bath when she decided to join the fun.

   

Maybe after all, I'm not as bad as what they say.  

and that I now know very clearly that I live for myself ... 

lucky i still have u

For the past few weeks & months, life has not been easy for me.
work wise also very bumpy, so much so that I feel like giving up because it's affecting me health wise.
But lucky I still have you .. 
who's still there for me even when I show my ugly dark side
who try to cheer me up when I hit the bottom
who tell me things that I refuse to listen and let me see things that I couldn't see through

thank you for the sewing machine and little radio which allow me to seek comfort.
We will together little by little make our effort build our little home sweet home ... even if it's a little brick a day.