Do what we love in life

 Life is short. Why would we want to waste our time doing what we hate? Why am I getting all my priorities in life mixed up? Plan for myself & my family. Have backup plan and build multiple streams of income. Volunteer and do something I'm passionate about. Exercise and take care of mental wellness. Focus on building relationship with family and children. Practice self care because nothing is more important than this body who work so hard to keep us alive.

Volunteer

 This year I'm going to sign up to be a volunteer. It could be to teach under privilege students or to serve under privileged community. Also it can be helping out during Wesak Day. I will ask around and explore ways how I can help to make a difference 1 action at a time. I vow to bring my children along to join serving the community.

Now that I have the urge, let's hit the iron while it's hot. Let's get started exploring what are the avenue / NGO I can join to contribute. Do share with me if you know of any charity looking for volunteers, thank you

choosing school for children

I believe every parents go through this ... choosing kindergarten, primary and secondary school for children. It's not easy and there are many factors to consider. And also because children will be spending almost half of their time in school. School is children 2nd home and children will bloom and groom if they meet good teachers and friends and get to learn and grow in good environment. 

Even after we made the decision, sometimes we may not get the school we want. Sometimes we need to go through alot in order to get into the school we wanted. And after that, sometimes we doubt if we made the right choice. Irony as it may seem but that seem to be the norm as parents. 

Let go

To hold, you must first open your hand. Let go

How true

I'm trying my level best to learn to let go. 

To learn that there's only that much a person can do. 

To learn that I'm a human with limitations.

To learn that I can't please everyone 

To learn that I have my own life to live and my own path to walk

and to learn not to care much about what others think

Hello 2023

The few seconds before 2023 were spent with my children welcoming a brand new year while trying to catch a few glimpse of the mini fireworks from our room window.

Earlier my daughter had made a video of new year wishes. We were still in holiday mode as I was on leave and we just came back from family trip. 2022 was with ups and downs and I'm thankful for every moment of it. Some days bringing me sweat and tears, some days bringing me heartwarming love from family and friends, somedays are so hard that I feel like giving up but looking back everything happen for some reasons (and act as reminders).

2023 ... we wish it is a better year for all of us, if it's a rough year, may God let me have the strength and wisdom to pull through. This is the year of change for me (change for better) and to live my life in the present the best way possible.

We are 13 days nearer to end of 2023...so I vowed to give my best for the remaining 352 days and be grateful for every day that I'm waking alive and breathing

last post for year 2022

Today is 31/12/2022 and last day of year 2022. It has been a year filled with ups and downs. It is also a year of 'wake up call' for me. Many things happened and some really make think thrice about what have I done so far..

is it really how I want to leave my life? 

Am I wasting my life away doing something I detest? 

Why can't I just for once live for myself? Life is short and I'm halfway already.

My children are growing up fast and I sort of regret not spending enough time with them. Seriously what's the use earning money trying to make a living when I couldn't be there for them when they need me most. Sad..

So come 2023, I'm finding my way out of the rut, going to do what is important to me, going to focus on my priorities (my children, my family, my life, my health). I'm just a normal human with my flaws and limitations. I'm with limited time and resources so I do not waste in on things that does not matter..I'm sorry but this can only be the way forward. And for once, i have this strong urge to venture into education industry educating our future generation.

And I'm starting my own youtube channel to share some info and raise public awareness. My motto for tomorrow : just do it (wrong or right never mind, as long as I get started and even if wrong, I take corrective action from there)

Last but not least, thank you 2022 for a wonderful year that gave me a wake up call on what are the important things in my life and making me realised that me and only me can make the change.

1% improvement everyday

I do not know since when I start to believe that we can improve 1% everyday and by the end of 1 year..we would have improved by at least 365% (which is alot)

The 1% improvement could be from our personal life, children studies, work life, health, mental health, habits, productivity, self care, investment, learning and application.... it could almost be anything.

I try to brainwash my children to approach life using this concept too.. because like how Plato put it : Never discourage anyone who continually make progress, no matter how slow' 

So now instead of lamenting, I make effort to be thankful that me & my children are learning at least 1% everyday and grateful for having the opportunity to learn and grow.

8/9/2022 - my wake up call

8/9/2022 on this particular day, something happened to me. I consider it a wake up call to me. I literally almost work myself to near death. I'm not going to hide but it's something I'm bare to open to admit my self-negligence. 

Basically, I got so worried, so anxious, so panic about the amount of pressure and work that I broke down. I was crazy enough to let all the burden on myself. I was crazy enough not knowing to escalate and let go, thinking if I try on my level best, I may be able to settle it. However, this lesson definately give me a wake up call that I'm definately not capable of doing so. And why so stupid to burden my soul with those things that doesn't really even matter to me at all. 

So from that day till today, I'm learning and still learning to let go, to draw the line and to shout for help when I need it, to be brave to voice my view and have my rights exercised, to basically learn to love myself more cause the work without me is nothing, it will move on. But my family without me is a great deal and I don't want that to happen prematurely.

So to the person writing this.. You are ENOUGH. You have to LIVE for YOURSELF because this is YOUR LIFE. It's ok to FALL and FAIL, but STAND BACK UP and CONTINUE ON.

I'm really grateful to my those who helped me and saved my life in the time of need. Thank you for saving my life. I could be gone if not for your fast action. Thank you and may GOD bless you all. 

buying plants online

Rewind to maybe 3 years back, who would have thought that we can buy plants (real plants) online without having to go to the nursery? Last year I bought 2 kedondong (some call it amla) saplings online. Blame it on my craving to eat and drink amla sour plum juice..haha.

I went to the nursery near home however found that the kedondong sapling sold there was expensive. Basically I can buy 3 saplings online for the price of 1 from the nursery. So like it or not I'm willing to take the chance and after much survey, I ordered 2. Voila, they came in perfect condition ... protected and neat and currently the plants are thriving in my backyard .. just yet to bear fruits.

Sharing here how the plants were wrapped with so much care that I could literally feel how much effort the sender has put in to safely deliver the plants to me. And this business is doing a good job because it took opportunity of the pandemic to explore alternative of doing business and make lemonade out of lemons.

Thank you to the seller that made it possible for me to plant kedondong at reasonable price and for the effort to deliver value to customers.

doing what is best at the moment

 For the 1st time, she told me she wanted to go for art class. For the 1st time, she reminded me when i forgot to do research for art class. For the 1st time, she told me she wanted to join the real class right after the trial class. For the 1st time she treasured her drawing and creation so much. For the 1st time, she asked me if I have enrolled her for the art class and for the 1st time, she asked me if I have the money to pay for her art class.

Perhaps it's true that when it comes to things that we are passionate about, we have this internal motivation to get us moving towards our passion.

This is perhaps 1 of the best thing I could do at this moment..to give her support and guidance towards her strength and passion. Every child is god's gift from heaven... this I believe is true 

Impatient monster

 I've turned into an impatient monster ... 
one with the slogan of "faster...hurry up...quick quick quick" ...

I'm not sure what happened but I'm in a rush all day long. It feels like I don't have enough time to do everything.

But the worst part of it is that I rush everyone around me too. I rush my children to eat, to bath, to finish homework, to sleep until my children ask me one day : why are we always rushing mama? 

It created anxiety and when everyone is anxious, temper flare up easily (in my case).

As much as I would like to blame technology and the current culture of instant gratification we are all trapped in, I have myself to blame. I should have control over how I response to external stimuli. Why should I let them control me? 

Easier said than done (now, imagine your boss asking you something in whatsapp and expecting you to reply instantly...haha)

Now I understand how my children feel when I keep rushing them all the time.

Starting now, I'm going to take deep breathe each time I want to say the 'f**t word. and ask myself wth am I rushing?

Rediscovering the joy of reading, blogging and planting

There are another 119 hours more before we greet a new decade, 2020.

Here I am rediscovering the joy of reading, blogging and planting.

Reading

I've liked to read but for the past few years I've been lacking due to other 'time occupying' activities (ie. sleeping, raising children, working, housework, staying sane, etc).

This year, I made a vow in the beginning of the year via a splendid website/app : Goodreads to read 20 books.

Current status : Completed 12 books. 8 more books to go in 119 hours. Doable? Quite not.

But still I'm satisfied with what I've got ... 12 books in 12 months is by no mean an easy feat for me. That's average 1 book per month.

Blogging

I just noticed I did not have a single entry for the year of 2018. So I decided by hook or by crook I have to have an entry for 2019. And here I am, doing what I can to create that post..haha.

To me blogging is a like 'open journaling' with lesser transparency. You share some but not too much (unless you are writing an informative post). 

I decided that I will take up blogging again (Read with disclaimer : on best effort basis). 

Planting

What I rediscovered for planting was that now I don't only plant in my own compound. I'm invading open empty spaces around my area (which I feel in need of some plants & shades) and I start spreading my germinated plants to neighbours, colleagues, friends & even strangers.

That's how brave I have become when it comes to planting. 

I'm happy that our society are more into planting nowadays, many thanks to social media hypes and publicity given to mother nature.

2020 definitely will come with its own set of challenges and ups & down but I will meet them when they come. I'm still the worrier and think too much'er I used to be but I've learnt to live more in the present. There are just some things beyond my control and there's only so much I can do. 

Here's cheers to everyone for a better year ahead. Come what may, may we continue to be a better version of ourselves in any possible ways. Even if it's just 1% better.

2015 ... after 8 month & 14 days

sorry for the long hiatus

things came and gone, gave it a thousand thoughts but it still come and go.

I still have a few unfinished (perhaps unstarted post sitting with spider webs)

these 8 months and 14 days were not simple,

a lot of decisions made, good or bad some we may not know till later.

However, there were things that I've not done despite the urgency.

it reflects how bad is my level of procrastination.

We have a leaking roof for almost 2 years now. 

and only a few days ago I called the roof contractor (who's very busy and no time to layan me).
anyone got good contacts to recommend? 

It's a long list of things need to get done but I don't wish to bore you, so I'm leaving it there strictly on my to-do-list.

I realised I've been more selfish, looking after my welfare and those of my love ones.

Cause I realised if I don't look after myself & love ones, who will?

my littlest one is 2 now, quite a milestone for this little girl. 

I've many many people to thank 

and I've learnt and still learning many many things

It's great we have managed for 8 months 14 days so far.

hoping for just a simple and happy 3 months 17 days to go. 

I so really don't-know-what-I-want

I'm always like this ...
I so really don't know what I want
I don't know if I want to be SAHM or FTWM
making choices is already very difficult for me
making choices that involve other lives especially those dear to me is extremely difficult.

or do I just like Quesera sera
'whatever will be, will be' ... 'the future not us to see'
BUT BUT BUT
what we do NOW will determine our FUTURE

what if down the road, the decision I made now was no good and I'm unable to reverse the effect? is it too late to regret? will I hate myself for making that decision earlier? 

the only consolation : not making a decision is not going to change anything... most probably the worst we can do. 
Again, some say you can leave the decision making to others .. yes for certain things but definately not for things affecting us and those dependent on us.

Life oh life ...