Rainy season - the good and the not so good

 Rainy season started about 2 weeks ago. I do have a love-hate relationship with it..haha. 

Love it because it's easy to sprout n grow (basically we can just throw any seeds at the ground and it'll start growing). 

Hate it because my laundry never get dried (you know the moist and damp feel on your clothes and no crispy sunshine smell on clothes).

Love it because it's such a nice weather to sleep.

Hate it because it makes me miss my morning walk.

Love it because it reminds me that everything can be as changeable as weather.

Hate it because i start to miss sunshine and doses of vitamin D.

Inadequate

 I sometimes feel inadequate .. that feeling that I'm not good enough. The feeling that if I just didn't do enough. I do not like the feeling of always doubting myself and yet I couldn't seem to be able to get out of it. 

It's pretty tiring to always be in this condition, this mind frame. I'm stuck in a never ending cycle of worry, of self doubt and overwhelmed with responsibilities to make things better. Sigh..so tiring

How do I get out? 

Keep or throw?

I love to write down what I need to do, what I want to do, what plans I have, what treasures I found, what lessons I learnt.

These are my diaries ranging from 2009 to date. They are filled with my dreams, my worries, my sorrow & pain, my happiness, my up & downs and my flats.

Today, as I'm decluttering, I have a difficult choice to make, do I continue keeping them or do I dispose them so I have more space for my new dreams & goals?

These diaries have helped me clear my mind, listen to my worries, reminded me of putting 1st thing 1st, cried & laughed with me. Now that I've moved on to new diaries, should I be like 'kacang lupakan kulit' or do I continue keeping them.

One thing for sure, I'm running out of space. And sadly, I do not have a e-version of the content. I'm a paper & pen kind of person. If I'm to keep, how long more should I keep them? This is not something like our tax receipt where we know die die must keep for 7 years. 

I can't believe I'm having a dilemma over these pages ... sometimes I wonder did I refuse to let go? or was it the past that made the current me...so I'm supposed to treasure them? 

Give me another 48 hours and we shall know their fate .. Good night for now!