focus on the little wins everyday

 

I'm feeling very tired lately (tired as in physically tired and mentally tired). I'm learning to stay in the present focus on NOW. Focusing on whatever little wins I could gather each day. 

Keep feeling that time is running out and I have not done enough...but on another hand, I feel so tired and thinking when can I slow down (if not stop) and rest?

It is contradicting I know but that's exactly what I feel and probably this is the 'thing' that zap away all my energy.

For the past weeks, many things happen at home, to myself, to dear, to children and the challenges doesn't seem to end. I'm trying to take it down one at a time...still I'm working on it.

Sometimes I really wonder how others do it and do it so successfully (when I'm struggling). Is it really that different people really have different destiny...some have it easier and some have it harder? See, I start comparing again...this is another thing tiring me. 

Tomorrow is a new day..a new beginning bringing new hope. Tomorrow will be better and all I have to do ... is just to wake up alive and breathing... and the rest is really bonus already.

sleeping early and sleeping enough

I know it's important and essential to sleep early to preserve health both physically & mentally. Yet how come I find it difficult to execute and implement? 

Sleeping early is making me feel I've not done enough. Making me feel that I have not enough time to pursue my passion or to do things I want to do for myself.

And I'm being a fool by sleeping late but waking early (because I want to exercise). How do I change my perception of sleep? How do I get my brain to believe that sleep is of utmost importance. Without sufficient and proper sleep, everything may not work as it should be. 

I do not want to regret about not sleeping enough only when something happen to my body. Now, please get off the computer and go to sleep!

Give .. and we can make a difference

In this difficult time, I decided to help wherever I can. And I want to guide my children to chip in doing it. So this birthday, beside planting a tree each month and making seed bombs, I have decided to donate to orphanage cash and books. Hopefully these little angels have better days ahead and pay it forward when they grow up. 

So, this birthday I'm planting trees and seeds of education for our children of tomorrow. Let's do it together one tree at a time, 1 seed at a time for 1 child at a time. 

getting started with jigsaw puzzle

 

It all started when I was decluttering and found some treasures ... puzzles. I love to do them when I was young and single and carefree and with time to spare. Nowadays it's luxury if I can find time to sleep. The boxes of puzzles are still with plastic cling wrap so I will never throw them. I was busy taking pictures and started asking around almost every group in my messaging list to see if anyone interested and passionate about jigsaw puzzle. Managed to give some of the big pieces floor puzzle to neighbour's niece. Other than that, no one seem to be into jigsaw nowadays. 

Lucky enough, a close friend in one of my usual 'talk everything' group suggested that I keep them for my children ... which turn out to be the best idea. Jigsaw puzzle develop our brain, our focus, our perseverance, our patience. All in all, it's a great tool for children development. So, over the weekend I try to get children to get started, hoping that once started then it's no going back, they will be like their mother.

Lucky luck was on my side, we started with some 'quick win' to gain interest. Something small and achievable ie. 120 pieces with colourful pictures to build up interest and confidence. Hopefully the rest will fall in place and like they say, the rest is history. 

In retrospect, this mco seem to be a blessing in disguise. It makes me stop, take a breather and do things I won't usually do (or rather things I won't usually have time to do). If no mco, I wouldn't be so diligently cleaning and clearing my home, and if I don't clear I won't find the jigsaw puzzles, and if I find with the busy schedule, we may not have time to explore...

This is just the beginning, I know it's still a long way to go...but never try never know

14 years ago

 

14 years ago, that was the last time I could hold you. I'm so sorry I didn't manage to hug you with all my might and tell you how much I love you before you go. Our time together were short and I regret I didn't spend as much time with you when you are around. I was not a good daughter ... Now that you're in a far away place, I couldn't repay you no matter how hard I try. I miss you very very much mi 

Chinese checkers ... playing it like how it used to be

 

Long long ago, my mother used to play this game with us. We could spend the whole night transferring our 'people' to the opposite site of the star. 

Holiday night we did the same thing .. taught the children to play this game a.k.a Chinese checkers (with the help of Mrs. Youtube) and we spent the whole night playing. It really help us to be patient and to strategize how to shift all our seeds to the opposite corner of the star. 

I'm thankful I get to introduce this game to my children, adding on to games we can play together as a family. Hoping I can open up their mind to more board / table games like these.

2021 Q1 is over...what's next?

 If there's 1 thing that Covid19 has taught us.. it would be 'don't take things for granted'. We may not know what happen tomorrow, next week, next month, next year...

So I've learnt that if there's something to be done, just do it now. Just get started by doing the smallest thing possible, be it just get up or just show up. Appreciate and be thankful for all that we have instead of focusing on what we lack.

Always reminding myself to treat others with kindness and see people in good light. All of us are going through tough times so if we can just do a little for others, why not? We are all trying our best each day. 

I learnt that I'm not good enough so I vow to improve each day. Just be a better me than yesterday. I've learnt to cut some slack for others and myself. Always believe that everyone always try to be the best they can be.

2021's Q1 is over, I'm glad I started doing some serious planning. Taking first step and little steps improving my personal & family life, health & financially. As they say, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the 2nd best time is NOW. 

One eye monster easy breathe

For some time, I've been having nose block at night. Sometimes to the extent of affecting my slumber time. So to ease my breathing, he made me essential oil blend after doing some research. Thank you dear for the 'one-eye monster easy breathe' Now I can grin like it :D 

Impatient monster

 I've turned into an impatient monster ... 
one with the slogan of "faster...hurry up...quick quick quick" ...

I'm not sure what happened but I'm in a rush all day long. It feels like I don't have enough time to do everything.

But the worst part of it is that I rush everyone around me too. I rush my children to eat, to bath, to finish homework, to sleep until my children ask me one day : why are we always rushing mama? 

It created anxiety and when everyone is anxious, temper flare up easily (in my case).

As much as I would like to blame technology and the current culture of instant gratification we are all trapped in, I have myself to blame. I should have control over how I response to external stimuli. Why should I let them control me? 

Easier said than done (now, imagine your boss asking you something in whatsapp and expecting you to reply instantly...haha)

Now I understand how my children feel when I keep rushing them all the time.

Starting now, I'm going to take deep breathe each time I want to say the 'f**t word. and ask myself wth am I rushing?

It's ok to not be ok

I started 2021 by attending 2 webinar about mental health. My objectives are to learn coping strategies and to know if I'm alright (seriously!)

I've almost been staying home (and try staying sane) for most part of the year since MCO started last year (around Mar) and I thinking it has started taking a toll on all of us.

On one hand, I'm thankful for the amount of time we get to spend together as family but on the other hand, I'm worry about children development (not limited to their studies, social, growth, physical & mental health and the list goes on...)

Back to the webinar...and it brought me to this K-drama : It's ok to not be ok (even the title itself is already enticing not to mention the actor & actress) 

Well, I've learnt to let go and shift my paradigm. No point carrying the burden and hurting everyone in the process. We try our best, let God do the rest.

ps. It's really ok to not be ok  

Reading challenge 2020

 

24 more days before we come to the end of 2020.

24 more days before I'll know whether I'm able to accomplish my reading challenge of reading 20 books for year 2020.

One would have imagine that with the various variation of MCO this year, I shall be able to complete my 2020 reading challenge ... well, let's keep fingers crossed.

I'm burning midnight oil catching up on reading. Haha, don't get me wrong, I'm not reading for the sake of completing this reading challenge. I'm reading because I want to and because it help me to relax. Reading challenge just give me that extra boost and motivation especially when I'm a little lag.

To those who loves to read, let's celebrate the joy of reading this Christmas ...let's spread the love of reading to our younger generation. A book can really open up a child's world. It can do wonders.

Here, a big thank you to local bookstores (ie. Big Bad Wolf, Popular) for bringing us affordable books and enable this reading hobby to prevail. And to a friend, NDC who introduced us to Z Library which help to fuel this reading hobby.

To my children, mama hope the reading seeds I have planted will continue to grow with you and be your support in time of need. 

Rainy season - the good and the not so good

 Rainy season started about 2 weeks ago. I do have a love-hate relationship with it..haha. 

Love it because it's easy to sprout n grow (basically we can just throw any seeds at the ground and it'll start growing). 

Hate it because my laundry never get dried (you know the moist and damp feel on your clothes and no crispy sunshine smell on clothes).

Love it because it's such a nice weather to sleep.

Hate it because it makes me miss my morning walk.

Love it because it reminds me that everything can be as changeable as weather.

Hate it because i start to miss sunshine and doses of vitamin D.

Inadequate

 I sometimes feel inadequate .. that feeling that I'm not good enough. The feeling that if I just didn't do enough. I do not like the feeling of always doubting myself and yet I couldn't seem to be able to get out of it. 

It's pretty tiring to always be in this condition, this mind frame. I'm stuck in a never ending cycle of worry, of self doubt and overwhelmed with responsibilities to make things better. Sigh..so tiring

How do I get out? 

Keep or throw?

I love to write down what I need to do, what I want to do, what plans I have, what treasures I found, what lessons I learnt.

These are my diaries ranging from 2009 to date. They are filled with my dreams, my worries, my sorrow & pain, my happiness, my up & downs and my flats.

Today, as I'm decluttering, I have a difficult choice to make, do I continue keeping them or do I dispose them so I have more space for my new dreams & goals?

These diaries have helped me clear my mind, listen to my worries, reminded me of putting 1st thing 1st, cried & laughed with me. Now that I've moved on to new diaries, should I be like 'kacang lupakan kulit' or do I continue keeping them.

One thing for sure, I'm running out of space. And sadly, I do not have a e-version of the content. I'm a paper & pen kind of person. If I'm to keep, how long more should I keep them? This is not something like our tax receipt where we know die die must keep for 7 years. 

I can't believe I'm having a dilemma over these pages ... sometimes I wonder did I refuse to let go? or was it the past that made the current me...so I'm supposed to treasure them? 

Give me another 48 hours and we shall know their fate .. Good night for now!

Walk...Su...walk

Walking track

Lunch breaks are important to me. 

It allows me to take a breather and get some warmth and Vit D. 

And lately, it allow me to exercise a little after a few hours glue to the chair.

I found a gem (I called it walking track) which allow me to walk and listen to my favourite songs / podcast. This track has allowed me to clock a 2KM walk which is not an easy feat for newbie like me.

Thanks to the virtual walk / run charity drive, it has re-ignited my passion for walking.. just me, the wind and the 'NOW' .. just as relaxing as it could get. 

Now I do really believe that exercise really make our body secrete endorphins (the +'ve feel good hormone) cause I feel happier and tend to worry less after started exercising regularly again.

My next aim is just to continue walking tomorrow. Nothing fancy but it's a great deal :)

captivating performance

One of my fave singer ... this is the 1st song that made me fell in love with her :D

https://youtu.be/QfH8EzQWQdk

Morning walk

To be honest, I want to do it every day but in actual fact, I consider myself lucky if I ever get to do it 2 times a week...haha

It's like the best time of the day ..

• me enjoying some me time, 
• enjoying the cooling fresh air, 
• soaking up the tranquility that allow me to think (or rather not think about anything and just enjoy the present), 
• checking out what plants they have in my neighbourhood and what plants can I add to common vacant area / park. 
• meeting with old folks who exercise more diligent & consistently than me.
• exercise a little sweat a little

Like this week, I told myself to wake up early, go for a walk before I cook simple lunch for lunch @ office. Ended up I snoozed my alarm clock for the 2nd or 3rd time with just enough time to do fried rice. I guess the problem is with me..not enough will power and just plain lazy...blame it on the lack of sleep people suffer nowadays due to the stress technology brought us. 

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against technology (well, maybe a little due to the stress it brings and that it make people a lot more impatient). 

Got to go ... else how am i going to wake up for my morning walk tomorrow? 

如果有一天 - meaningful reminder to myself

CY shared this song in our group and the lyrics caught my heart. Such meaningful lyrics

Sharing it here so I can come back here to remind myself when I'm down.

The lyrics

如果有一天 刘德华 如果有一天 汽车与飞机转眼再不足够 别害怕 你拥有的天赋的一对双脚伴你可漫游 如果有一天 你屋里傢俬一旦再不拥有 别害怕 那温暖的家里的成员欢笑伴你于床头 心乐透 人的快乐 在乎学晓等候 命里不归于你 你便毅然地放开手 越抱着只会越嬲 知足一世你便富有 人善天不欺 简单一个道理 怎么不看透 任君多美丽富裕 在最后平头 每种因果是有天修 人善天不欺 你懂得以后 掌握心中节奏 只要食得落 睡得好 天天里笑得开口 便已足够 人的快乐 在乎学晓等候 命里不归于你 你便毅然地放开手 越抱着只会越嬲 知足一世你便富有 人善天不欺 简单一个道理 怎么不看透 任君多美丽富裕 在最后平头 每种因果是有天修 人善天不欺 你懂得以后 掌握心中节奏 只要食得落 睡得好 天天里笑得开口 就已足够 人善天不欺 简单一个道理 怎么竟不看透 任君多美丽富裕 在最后平头 每种因果是有天修 人善天不欺 你懂得以后 掌握心中节奏 只要食得落 睡得好 天天里笑得开口 便已足够 如果有一天 战争与饥荒充斥全个地球 别害怕 你心我心手与手连成一线 为你可分忧 好朋友

things during MCO

There are things only we can experience during MCO  (movement control order).

Such as empty streets, empty roads, empty train station & empty train at 9pm ...

and thinking back, wth am I doing there at that time? It was really dangerous.

And now as we return to new normal ... we just got further and further from the train station every morning. 

Last week, we got so far that the train station was hardly in sight. 

Or maybe it's just my bad eyesight .. ;p

Rediscovering the joy of reading, blogging and planting

There are another 119 hours more before we greet a new decade, 2020.

Here I am rediscovering the joy of reading, blogging and planting.

Reading

I've liked to read but for the past few years I've been lacking due to other 'time occupying' activities (ie. sleeping, raising children, working, housework, staying sane, etc).

This year, I made a vow in the beginning of the year via a splendid website/app : Goodreads to read 20 books.

Current status : Completed 12 books. 8 more books to go in 119 hours. Doable? Quite not.

But still I'm satisfied with what I've got ... 12 books in 12 months is by no mean an easy feat for me. That's average 1 book per month.

Blogging

I just noticed I did not have a single entry for the year of 2018. So I decided by hook or by crook I have to have an entry for 2019. And here I am, doing what I can to create that post..haha.

To me blogging is a like 'open journaling' with lesser transparency. You share some but not too much (unless you are writing an informative post). 

I decided that I will take up blogging again (Read with disclaimer : on best effort basis). 

Planting

What I rediscovered for planting was that now I don't only plant in my own compound. I'm invading open empty spaces around my area (which I feel in need of some plants & shades) and I start spreading my germinated plants to neighbours, colleagues, friends & even strangers.

That's how brave I have become when it comes to planting. 

I'm happy that our society are more into planting nowadays, many thanks to social media hypes and publicity given to mother nature.

2020 definitely will come with its own set of challenges and ups & down but I will meet them when they come. I'm still the worrier and think too much'er I used to be but I've learnt to live more in the present. There are just some things beyond my control and there's only so much I can do. 

Here's cheers to everyone for a better year ahead. Come what may, may we continue to be a better version of ourselves in any possible ways. Even if it's just 1% better.