A blow too great (1)

I think I cried my eyes out. Cried till eyes swollen & pain. Cried till have headache and my vision blurred. Cried till there are no more tears.
Call me crybaby or whatever you want but during then, I have no control over whether to cry or not to cry.

24/2/05
While waiting at taxi stand for a friend, I received a call from my babysitter’s daughter - Chai Kim. She asked “Where are you?”
“I’m outside office, waiting for friend” I said.
(I thought they wanted to drop by my house for a visit)
She broke down “Ah ma had left us”
“Hah?” was all I could utter before I cried there & then in public.
She told me a few things which I doubt I could comprehend during then. Ah ma left us earlier but they didn’t call me at work.

The Malay lady who was beside me at the taxi stand asked “kenapa dik?”
all I managed was 'geleng kepala'
I was blurred but managed to call my friend to inform I’m not going for meeting.
I tried washing my face at the washroom but the next moment, tears come rolling again.
On my way back, there were many flashbacks in my mind. I could remember everything from my childhood … from what had I done and what Ah ma had told me …word for word with her way of speaking.