Precious : GDM

It was around the 28th week into pregnancy. 
I was just there for normal checkup and they ask me to go for a MGTT.
(MGTT stands for Modified Glucose Tolerance Test)
MGTT is usually offered to pregnant women with previous history / family history / obese / high risk factor of diabetes.
They told me currently I'm not in the above group but their reason for giving me this test was
I had previously a big baby @ 3.85kg (they say for my size, it's consider big)
I even offered them explanation : could it be because baby's father is big too? 
I tell them so because I was there for checkup myself so they have not seen the baby's father. 
They say still I have to go for the test, regardless ... it's better to be on the safe side.
They gave me the instruction to fast and the date to come again.
So, home I went & started with my research.
Honestly, I loathe (if not hate) all kind of unnecessary tests / intervention because I feel they create unnecessary stress / tension to an otherwise healthy pregnancy.


On the day, as instructed, I started fasting the night before and were feeling my stomach empty. 
1st tube of blood taken and we were literally 'forced' to drink a 'too sweet and vomit inducing solution'. We were to continue to fast until the 2nd tube of blood taken after 2 hours. 
Result will be out later. Waiting is definately not fun. 
I was careless though. I still eat as usual without taking into consideration that I may possibility of having GDM (gestinational diabetes melitus). 
I've taken myself for granted and may have risk my baby. This I really feel very guilty. 


Result is out and I'm not ok. 
So doctor asked me to admit & do BSP ( Blood Sugar Profiling) immediately which again I hesitated. I even negotiate to come in and do the test at different interval instead of admission but the doctor wanted an immediate admission. 
At last, I managed to convince the doctor that I'll admit tomorrow.
The doctor say, if situation warrant, I'll need to learn to inject insulin beside diet control.
I guess I was in denial and just couldn't accept that I'm in the 5%-7% that get GDM during pregnancy.
The doctor reprimanded me saying I shouldn't 'main main' (translated play play) and told me the consequences. 
All of sudden, the seriousness of the situation to baby & me struck me like lightning.
I loss myself for a while. 


I didn't know how to break the news. I felt so bad. I felt I've not done what a mother should to protect the baby in her womb. 
As I've to be admitted to hospital, I've got no choice but to 'share the burden' with ah dear. I think he has the right to know despite me not wanting anyone to know.
I even asked him to lie on my behalf. I thought everything can be resolved unknowingly but that is not true. Paper cannot wrap fire ah...like they chinese put it.


So there I'm early morning ... ah dear bring me to admit myself to the hospital. This is the 2nd time I admit hospital. The 1st time was when deliver 1st child. 
At the maternity ward, I feel a little out of place. Some thought I'm waiting to be induced. Some thought I'm waiting for labour. All except that I came in just for BSP. 
Throughout the morning, there about 12 students in different groups asking me the same questions and I actually answered them diligently.. haha, talking about NBTD (Nothing better to do). I was visited by a few doctors from different fields (which I can't remember clearly now except for the dietitian)


At times, even I myself can be frightened by my own action and boldness. 
I told the doctor I need to go home and come back tomorrow morning. I say I need to go fetch my kid, my kid need me to fall asleep la ... all sort of nonsense I can think of...
I even promised to be back at the hospital @ 6am. 
The doctor on duty told me she has to refer to the registrar. Nevertheless, the outcome was that admitted patient is not allowed to leave hospital unless discharged.


To tell the truth, I actually eat just minimal because I was stupid enough to sort of 'cap my blood sugar level' so that it will not go so high until I need insulin injection. I'm very very scared of this. I was hungry and fighting the urge to eat more. 


Since I'm there, my as well make good use of it. I managed to complete some outstanding reading. But the best of all, I managed to talk to more than a dozen of mothers there, say angugu to all their babies ...gaining from their stories, their background, their experience and even some age old traditions or practice of different ethnics. My biggest gain was that at last I roughly can imagine what to expect giving birth there.


To cut long story short, I couldn't sleep well at night at the ward. Without my pillow, my bolster (main support for big tummy during pregnancy), it's hard to fall asleep. One baby was crying almost every hour...I found out the next morning that the chinese mom didn't have (enough) breastmilk so her baby was hungry till the nurse offered formula milk. 
This chinese mother turn out to be a very nice lady. She's smaller in size than me and she shares with me her birthing experience. She's someone down to earth and very comfortable to talk to. 
In fact, I actually feel sad leaving her (for someone whom I had know a few hour). She had to stay one more day because her baby need to be monitored.


Going back from hospital is not the end of the GDM ordeal... in fact it's only the beginning.


Looking back at the whole episode thereafter, I feel relieved now that it was only GDM (only during pregnancy due to hormonal change).
Not only that, my biggest finding about myself...sometimes those things I do can be really STUPID but if everything is perfect and I'm so smart, I wouldn't have learnt so much. I wouldn't have appreciate myself.